Because Life is about growing old together.

“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”

— Franz Kafka

I never wanted to write to begin with.

I was just too scared to share my stories with people, an unknown fear of becoming vulnerable that I started this habit of writing diaries secretly which I kept hidden for years.But over the time I began to understand how important it is for everyone to not just write but share.

It cleanses you from inside, All those unspoken words that fight in your throat wanting to come out will finally find their place once you start writing.

and in this world full of troubles may you find someone to share those beautifully hidden and deeply gulped words.

After I started writing my diary , I continued to write several other snippets which mostly covered war and refugees .Later I started writing in Wattpad and now I can literally write about everything and anything. But quite often it is only when I want to write about myself that I am troubled, Still thanks to Tarun and my friends who kept insisting that I should write and because of whom I still pursue this habit.

Recently I have started a blog in Instagram too where I post about Books , Coffee and plants and write out little things that happened that day. Tarun always says "if writing is something that puts your mind at ease, Do it this very instant." and thats how my journey towards various cafes and nurseries in Vizag began. But the struggle to click those perfect pictures and edit them is very real. Most of the time I get help from my sister in law who apparently has this amazing talent to capture that One Perfect Picture. I am pretty much learning from her and someday I am sure I will excel it.

Here is a glimpse of my struggle . ☺☺☺☺

Though I still dream about completing my book , for now it is just a far way wish. With this Covid -19, everything around changed a bit. Sometimes I am little confused whether it is my wedding or the Covid that actually changed things. But still I continue to write on small platforms to remind myself that I am capable of doing things I dream of. The past few months weren't that great and it is only this reading and writing habit of mine, that kept me sane. Dad fell ill. He tested positive and it turned into serious illness quickly. It was difficult because people denied help. Everyone was scared but it was only when the people you thought would help you, but did not, that you actually learn to do things alone . and trust me you will do it quite fiercely then. Adversity teaches you things which you would not have understood otherwise. I never feared the virus to begin with, In dire need I roamed alone in cabs and sat with dad in the Covid Ward to give him the mental support he needed. Nothing came to my mind at that time except the thought that I should bring him back home in good health . There were times I broke down, felt exhausted and wanted to run away,But the kind words and gestures of few beautiful people lifted me up and it is then that I have learnt that sometimes god does send help from the people you never expect.Mother and In laws were of great strength to me at that time that I became strong and better and Dad's health improved too eventually. Tarun couldn't stay with me because his own Uncle contacted Covid and was in much severe condition than Dad. Both were admitted in the same hospital , So we used to meet when we visited our respective patients. Dad's condition improved and he returned home safe  but we lost Tarun's Uncle and I saw him cry in silence.Sometimes when the person you love the most is in pain, the only thing you can do is to just stand beside in silence while they are grieving.

“It hurts when they're gone. And it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast, whether it's a long drawn-out disease or an unexpected accident. When they're gone the world turns upside down and you're left holding on, trying not to fall off.”
― Walter Mosley, Debbie Doesn't Do It Anymore

“When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him.” ― Madeline Miller

Dear Readers ,

Let me tell you all, that whatever distress you are going through right now , trust in time , It will heal everything.

Also since I  recently celebrated my one year wedding anniversary, you must be wondering how my life is , I do not want to lie. It really sucks, each day I am just finding reasons to breathe. Don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean my better half is a horrible person . No he is the best. The best person in the entire world or more like he is my entire world right now.  Then You must be wondering why my life sucks. Its just there are many other people who are way too interested in our married life than us. Its getting heavy as the days pass by. Sometimes I get so angry at dad. So angry that I do not have control on the words I speak out.Unable to maintain my calm I turn to music, books and plants to heal. But nothing really works out, things cannot go back and the words I heard never quite leave my head. I questioned god why? why all the time? But the answer I always received was Tarun. Because he is the best person I can ever get, I put up with everything, I put up with the taunting of his relatives. I get support from my parents and In laws . They keep telling me to forget and ignore but the words come back to me at night whispering inside until dawn. Sometimes I get angry on Tarun for not standing up but he makes up for everything by taking me out to cafes or buying me good stuff that I keep telling myself , He is trying and I have to be happy.  May be one day when I am scared and when it becomes too much to handle and I break down, I am scared even he cannot handle me.

Dear Readers 

There is only one advice from me to you. Get married only when you can stand up for the other person. Both have to stand up for each other and protect each other . Trust me the intrusion of Indian families in a wedding life is sometimes way too much and it feels like an eternal suffering but I promise if you as a couple are strong enough , strong enough to make decisions then you will be happy. I and tarun are trying to be happy only because we tell each other , give each other strength that we will overcome things together and I wont lie if things get more heavy we have decided to leave everything we built here and go far way from all this suffering and live in peace. We never had any desire nor any attachment to material things. We know how much discriminated our life is and we know we are okay with it only because when it becomes too much we will leave without any regrets.Mental Health is not something we can ignore at all. So I tell you today, You and your partner have sole rights on your married life and not anybody else, Save it, protect it , respect it ,love it and live it while you are in it. 

and also not to brag , We spent our anniversary by escaping to a beautiful place , The view was magnificent that day that I for a second forgot what is real and what is a dream. Here is that view for you.

Apparently Preeti is getting married too and I cannot be more happy. I know what she had to fight to become who she is today, may be I ll cry in her wedding. I dont know but the fact that she said yes has brought enough happy tears in mine and her mother's eyes. Aunty is super excited and happy. I hope you all find a friend like her in your life. she is the only person I can speak my mind without hesitating and she gives me enough strength to fight my demons . What more can you ask for in a friend? whenever I spoke to her it felt like all old wounds began to heal. The best advice she has ever given me is this, May this be useful to you all someday.

"Sometimes fixing things in life is the last thing you would want to do,

even though everything feels so tangled and messed up its better to stay put than to fix it.

at least for your own mental peace.

because sometimes no matter how hard you try , you cannot fix certain things."

It is only after this advice that I started to walk away from so many things in my life, People eventually thought that I gave up on them too easily, but little did they know of how much I tried.

So Dear Readers , That's it for today, The winter sunset is incredible today, Hope you had the time to enjoy it. Until next time, Make sure you are happy and if your married like me , I hope you both remain happy because life is about growing old together.

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

Khalil Gibran-The Prophet